Advice for the Newly Diagnosed

Now that I'm almost a year past my breast cancer diagnosis, I'm thinking about the lessons I've learned and what has been helpful for me. 

1. Stop worrying about the things you can't control (at least, try to)

That biopsy result is not going to change if you stay up all night thinking about it. I went into this with the mantra "I am not going to worry until my doctor tells me I should be worried." Of course it's easy to worry sometimes - just keep remind yourself that it's a useless practice when you can't control the outcome. If you feel like you need to do something, put that energy into small life changes that can make a difference in your outcome, like exercise.

2. Try to keep your life as normal as possible

Treatment can be tough and you should go easy on yourself, but you shouldn't abandon all those things that make your life feel normal - they are a good distraction. During treatment, I worked full time, cooked dinner, went for walks, etc. - just like before. Working from home to avoid germs, I still dressed up every day. Your normal may look different.

3. Do one thing everyday to make yourself laugh, feel happy, or feel calm.

4. Don't feel like you have to share. 

It's okay if you want to keep your diagnosis to yourself. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Talking about cancer is emotional labor. At first I wanted to be an open book, because I truly didn't mind anyone knowing, but after telling a few people I felt like I was doing more work to manage the anxiety MY cancer was causing THEM. I only told a few friends and waited until after chemo and surgery were done to tell a wider circle.

5. Pay attention to your triggers and patterns

For example, I noticed I'd google something cancer-related before bed and then find myself anxious and unable to sleep. So I banned cancer-related reading before bed. This may change during your treatment - sometimes, I found it helpful to see instagram hashtags related to chemo, and then all of a sudden it became a trigger and I really didn't need more of that in my life.

6. Let go of expectations

There are so many treatment options and your situation is not the same as someone else's. Research treatments and surgery options but don't get too attached. This reminds me of being a first time mom - many go in with a 5 page birth plan end up crushed when they have a C section instead of a natural birth, and the disappoinment keeps them from enjoying their new baby. Keep the goal in mind - you want to stay alive and prevent recurrence. You may not be a candidate for a diep flap or nipple sparing (um, speaking from experience) but keep an open mind and you can be happy with your journey.

7. Seek out stories that make you feel hopeful.

Weird confession - usually I hate the word hope and the idea of hoping instead of acting. But when I was diagnosed, the first book I read was Anticancer- A New Way of Life. I found this to be a hopeful book written by someone who refuses to be his diagnosis and instead researches and makes life changes to support his health. I think this shaped my attitude towards diagnosis and treatment. I am currently reading Radical Remission, another good one!